Where has my life gone? I am so confused on what to think... I cant think straight. I may need some alone time to get my shit together. The internet isnt helping at all. My phone doenst help... it worsens everything. Its a miniture version of my computer. Hand held and wireless.
The thing that I dont understand is why everyone thinks I am... so... pretty... I dont understand it. I am not... gorgious. Truthfully. I think that. Today I was talking to Chelsey and Kelly at work and they were all frazzled because I told them that I am single and not seeing anyone and im kind of lame and sit at home on my computer with my 2 cats (HA! The makings of a spinster) They were taken aback "I cant believe someone as pretty as you doenst have anyone" and "That makes me so mad to see someone like you not have anyone" I told them to hush cause it made me blush. I thanked them of course but im obviously single for a reason. Its obvious. I have 0 personality and im not good looking. I talk to people via the internet and they say other wise and wonder the same thing. I dont know what is wrong with me. Everyone is up in the night wondering why I dont have any one. Why I am single. Nathan(Arizona Nathan not... the other one...) he cannot believe for the life of him that ive never had a boyfriend. He thinks I am lying. I really am not. People just dont understand.

Im sick of being alone. I am trying to be interesting and cool but I cant seem to find anyone. I just need out of this awefull place. I need to leave, escape this world onto bigger and better thhings. It might just be that I am too afraid of getting hurt. Afraid of something. Maybe I get my hopes up too quickly just for them to be smashed on the floor. I dont want to find happiness in the bottom of a bottle of liquor, thats the one thing I dont want to do. I want to be strong and healthy and be that dominatnt woman I know was breed into me. Why can't I pull her out? What is wrong with me?! I need to know. I need help, I need love, I need to stop trying to put myself with everyguy I see. I think i need to stop searching for somone, Its harder done than said. When you're a hopeless romantic like I am trying not to find love in every person you see is a very difficult process.

What also needs to happen is that I need to stop caring about other people. That sounds absolutely horrible but I need to stop, take a step back from everyone elses problems and take a look at my own problems. Handle that shit first before I try fixing someone elses problems. Every one comes up to me and says "im lonely" im this and Im that. and I fall and I fix their problems. But as soon as I say how I feel they ignore my comments. I just... I dont know how to deny people. Its aweful not to want to care but Its probably what is best for me as of the moment.

Fin.

Morgan

Hello all,

I am currently reading The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society and it is soooo good. I am only 83 pages in but I love it so far. The main character (Juliet) is just a riot. She is hillarious and quick witted. I can just see her now. She is an author and need something new to write. She recieved a letter from a man who lives on the island of Guernsey - its a cute little island in the English Channel- and he was a Jew that was basically held captive there durning the second wold war. She recieves a letter from him and then they start talking back and forth about this literary club that they started, originally it was a hoax so the germans wouldnt kill them. But it turned into a club that theyall got together and talked about books and got their minds off of the horrible situation that they were in. So far I am in love with it. Plus Juliet meets an American publicist that wants to spread her awesomeness though America. I dont know whats going on with that but I will soon find out. I already think that Karen and Katie should both read this book, espically Karen because she talks of Emily Bronte and Juliet is obsessed with books, and when I say obsessed -she didnt marry a man because he wanted to put her books in the basement- I am obsessed. so far its damned good. Ill keep updating but not giviing anything away.

Ah life.... mmm... nothing really going on there. I got a promotion at work. I am now a part of the Escalations Team or he supervisors. I take all the calls where people "Ask to speak to a supervisor". I am really nervous about it because I don't like getting yelled at very much. They think I can do it and many people have told me that I can do it. So I am hoping for the best. I think on Monday I am actually going to be taking calls which I am very very very nervous about. Oh well, Ill get over it eventually.On the boys front, nothing new really. Just them being ever so far away and being not in my grasp. Its cool its cool. Chealsea from work wants to hook me up with her best friend Ryan(?) but I dunno im shy and nervous.

Toodles,

Morgan

How on earth to begin? What has my life become? Am I just the girl everyone goes to when they need help with solving their life issues? Their love issues? Its getting thoughly annoying, I'm running out of things to say. I have my own love problems and no one seems to care *with the exception of Katie* I dont know how to fix your problem. Truth be told I cannot do magic and I cannot predict the future and I am sorry. I know this may come as a shock to you but I do not have the power to change you. The change can only be done by you, for you. I do not have the power to do such things. Putting up a wall and pushing every single person out of your life and letting anger fill up the inside of the wall is not going to help you. One of these days you're going to fill up that wall and where will you be? When you try to finally let someone in you wont beable to let you in and you'll end up more hopeless and sad than before.  That wall is going to build pressure and when someone tries to break it downl its going to explode in their faces, they'll leave and you'll be alone. Its a vicious cycle. I suggest you take my advice and at least take half of the wall. Maybe a few bricks... make a window, put a flower in that window, let some light into your soul. Darkness can only be conqured by light. As for my problems, dont get me started. You, you want all this stuff for the person that you want, and how do you think it makes me feel when I hear that you would do all these things for someone else but I cant have them? Dont you think it breaks my heart and brings me down lower? Does it affect you? I know you're just tyring to stay distant but it hurts.
Why must I be nice? Its so overrated.
-Morgan

 1. Do you prefer to read hardcover or paperback books?
I like hardbacks but it doesnt really matter if its a good book.


2. Do you have a favorite place to read in your home?
mmm I like to read snuggled in bed.

3. Do you have a favorite place to read away from, or outside of, your home?
Coffee shops or at a park on the grass or a blanket.


4. Do you snack while you read? If so, favorite reading snack?
mmm.. sometimes if  I have food. but most of the time no.

5. Do you tend to mark your books as you read, or does the idea of writing in books horrify you?
The idea doesn't horrify me, but I don't do it.


6. How do you keep your place while reading a book? Bookmark? Dog-ears? Laying the book flat open?
mmmm... if i have something to put in it I will . just random stuff but usually i just remember what page im on.

7. Fiction, Non-fiction, or both?
A little of both. I like to read fiction(biographies and such) but im more of a non-fiction gal.

8. Hardcopy or audiobooks?
Hardcopy all the way. audiobooks are for idiots and lazy fucks.

9. Are you a person who tends to read to the end of chapters, or are you able to put a book down at any point?
I can put it down at just about anypoint


10. If you come across an unfamiliar word, do you stop to look it up right away? Write it down to look it up later? Just try to infer what it means from the rest of the sentence, and keep going?
I try to figure out what it means by what the rest of the sentence says but most of the time I dont konw so ill look it up.

11. What are you currently reading?
mm... a mixture of Pretties and the first book of this series I cant remember the name of lol.


12. What is the last book you bought?
Paper Towns by John Green


13. What is your all time favorite book?
haha oh my.. mmm.... well. I have a lot. one of them would be Perks of Being A Wallflower by  Stephen Chbosky and the Uglies Trilogy (Extras doesnt exist lol)

14. Are you the type of person that only reads one book at a time or can read more than one at a time?
I like to read one at a time.


15. Do you like re-reading books?
haha yes! I love rereading books. it makes me all giddy.

 Argh. I feel like I'm dying very slowly and very painfully on the inside. Yesterday I was so exhausted. I don't think I have ever - wait yes I've been that tired. Hands on sax event.... *shutter*. Oh my lord. Everyone I talked to said I looked really super tired or sick or something. I felt like a zombie. It was horrible.
Ahh! *giddiness!*
Okay so Hoobastank - The Reason just came onto my ipod and ^.^ I swear. That song is the best host song on the planet. haha. I love the Host. Some people hate it but I like it better than Twilight for some odd reason. It wasn't as big as Twilight because it came out after Twilight got all big and over-obsessed with. Trust me I get all giddy for Twilight but the Host.... *le sigh* it is just so epic. It is more serious in a way. Not so 'tragic teenage love story'. I cant even explain it. 
Just for kicks:
Quotes:

""Eight full lives, eight full lives and I never found anyone I would stay on a planet for, anyone I would follow when they left. I never found a partner. Why now? Why you? You're not one of my species. How can you be my partner?"

"You. Are. Not. Leaving. Me."

"'Ian squeezed my hand and leaned in to whisper through all the hair. his voice was so low that i was the only one who could hear. 'I held you in my hand, Wanderer. And you were so beautiful.'"

"Jealous, O'Shea?" 
"Actually... I am. Surprisingly so."

"It's not the face, but the expression on it. It's not the voice, but what you say. It's not how you look in that body, but the things you do with it. You are beautiful."

Thats precious making ^.^ I mother fuckin love it. Anywoo. 
Okay.. 
Toodles.
Morgan

 

Enough said....

I’ve been feeling dull as a coat hanger pretty as a picture of a patient on a fresh iv
giddy as a gangbanger with a set of sutures where his magic johnson ought to be

yes i'll tell you just the thing you need to be the next big thing
lets start in with a test of your intelligence and zest for the counter productive
up and down and roundabout and out the back and keep your mouth shut
tight the lights are staying out but no sweat I’ve got aim like a mack truck
guess how many fingers ok guess how many more i can fit there
guess right get the toaster but you know, miss, guessing gets you nowhere

I’ve been baking cakes for the enemy
I’ve been dying to find out the hard way
I’ve been taking friends to the alleyway
two down now but who’s counting anyway?

yes i can do everything you need from out of my new SUV
my work is guaranteed to last the length of your recovery
put away those pliers honey trust me cause i know the options
how about a nine-month long vacation and a two-foot coffin

I’ve been getting up close and intimate
some close calls but oh im getting into it
in some states they say you can burn for it
but ill burn that bridge when I get to it

it's not a bad thing
to get professional
its got a nice ring
mandy goes to med school

I’ve been taking tips from the government
I’ve been getting damn good at hiding it
fifteen bucks a month ought to cover it
two down now but who’s gonna notice it?

if you show up and i am unavailable
my partner Brian would love to take care of you

he is a nice man
fairly reliable
he's in a rock band
and he goes to med school
and he goes to med school
he goes to med school

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Amanda Is Love
I had a good day.
thats all.
Morgan

Fog set in over an exsuspecting city, icy cold taking no one prisioner.
The hustle and busle of the city slowed to a crawl.
Lights disappeared, fading, the further on you look.
Cars come out of the mist like ghosts, slow moving and cautionary.
Foggy fingers trace up your spine and through your scalp.
Voices in the mist set fear into your mind.
A single lamp casts a halo of orange onto the ground where you stand.
Looking out into the fog, casting shadows onto the pavment.
Your figure laughs as your soul is taken into the night.

A day of let downs was all it was. Expecting something different is over rated and tiring. Why should I waste my precious energy on something monotinous and dull? I shant and I wont. I was running on energy from a late breakfast and hard candy; my mind  had slowly slipped away. Pooling around my madulaoblangata and seeping down my back, through my spinal cord.
Paper cranes flew freely in the newly opened space. Letters of the days memories written on their wings. With 'RETURN TO SENDER' stamped across their backs. Seeping through my mouth were words that my brain would have rejected. It would have injected different words and actions onto my face and through my limbs. But my brain was absent at the moment. Leaving the cranes to their own devices. Thinking for me. Telling me what to say and do. It would have been a very simple task for my brain to comprehend. The cranes are imaginative creatures. They thought that the simple needed to be made harder and more complex. Forgetting important jumps in between smaller less important steps. Leaving me to trip and fumble through my work.
It was not such a good plan for my brain to go and the birds to take flight. My imagination gets the best of me. attention spand of a hyper puppy and the hunger of a starving child. Today was not a good day.
With some food and rest, the doctors say that I should be fine within a few hours.